Friends, Not Trophies

I recently heard a woman bemoaning the fact that she did not have any friends to help her out when she felt the need for assistance.  She complained that no one was ever available to her when she wanted to talk (or more accurately, complain) and that she couldn't depend on others to be there for her in life.  While you may be inclined to feel sorry for her, let me clarify a few things.

First, if you want to have a friend, you must first BE a friend.  Living a self-absorbed life of continual taking without any giving will not result in a circle of trustworthy friends.  Being a friend requires that we put the needs of others above our own perceived needs.  It means carving out blocks of time wherein we choose to invest in another person.  It takes energy and it takes commitment.  Anything less results in only casual acquaintances, but no real friends.

Second, friends-- that is, true friends-- can usually be counted on the fingers of one hand in this lifetime.  These are people who have proven themselves trustworthy and caring regardless of circumstances.  Even physical distance cannot destroy true friendships.  I have two such wonderful friends, and they now live over 800 miles away from my home (due to my relocation, not theirs).  Regardless of the many miles, when we speak we always pick up from where we left off.  We don't waste each other's time by whining and complaining that the other person didn't  get in touch with us often enough.  We accept that life is busy and demanding, and we celebrate the moments that we do have to chat and laugh and share.

Finally, with the advent of social media sites online, there seems to be a mindset that "friends" are like little trophies that we amass and set up on a shelf to show those around us how well we're loved by others.  Friends are not accomplishments we've achieved.  Friends are relationships we've built by the willingness to invest time, energy, and compassion into the lives of others.  It takes a long-term and serious commitment to build a friendship.

So, don't waste your time (or anyone else's) by complaining that you don't have good friends.  Instead, trying being a good friend to someone else.  Trust me, there is a whole big world full of lonely people out there who are starved for a friend.  Put someone else and their need ahead of your own selfishness.  I promise you that investing in the lives of others will leave you little time to feel sorry for yourself.

Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.

(Colossians 3:12-14)