With These Hands

It is not by mistake that God gave us the largest organ of our body-- the skin-- as the means through which we receive the sense of touch.  With unbelievable sensitivity and accuracy, we can know instantly when someone or something has touched us.  Sometimes it is a pleasurable feeling, but sometimes it produces discomfort or pain.  So sensitive is our skin and the nerves that provide our sense of touch that even drawing near to certain things sometimes creates a feeling, an activation of the sense of touch.  If our hand happens to pass over a pre-heated burner on the stove, we instantly sense the heat radiating upward and are warned to draw our hand away, lest we get burned.  Just the gentle brush of someone we love walking close to us can elicit the sensation of touch and activate an emotional response in our heart and mind.  Touch is a powerful tool of communication.

In our homes, we can use the sense of touch to convey many messages.  There are countless items with which we come into contact every day.  Some produce a pleasurable sensation and others create discomfort. For most of us we would surely affirm that we tend to avoid those things that produce discomfort for us.  We know that stroking the soft fur of a kitten is pleasurable and we enjoy that activity, but when that kitty's claws are exposed and we see an aggressive stance in the animal we draw back with the knowledge that a scratch from an angry cat is no fun.  It is a pleasure to slip into a soft, fluffy bathrobe and slippers to lounge for a few hours, but not nearly so much fun to pull on our heavy workboots and a rough woolen sweater to tackle the yard work that needs to be done.  Touch conveys a message.

Down through the years of raising my children, I can remember all the times I held them in my arms, cradling them to sleep.  Sometimes a bad dream or a cramping tummy would prevent them from resting quietly.  They would always come seeking Mommy for comfort and the touch only a Mother can give.  When they were  infants, I would cuddle them close to my chest and gently pat their diapered behinds to assure them all was well in their world.  Safe in my warm embrace, they always drifted off to sleep quietly.  As they grew and their discomforts arose, I often addressed those (whether physical or emotional) by softly rubbing their arms, neck, and head.  That act of gently touching them conveyed the message that I not only cared about their suffering, but I also sought to ease it and bring some level of comfort back into their life.  Our middle daughter was plagued with migraine headaches in her teenage years, and they were truly a source of physical anguish for her.  It didn't take long for me to realize that at the onset of one of those episodes, if I could dim the lighting in her room, have her lie down on her bed, and then gently stroke her arms, legs, face, and head, I could often help her slip into a state of peacefulness that enabled her to just drift off to sleep and allow the headache to pass.  To this day, when one of my children (all of whom are now fully grown and with families of their own) is in my presence and begins to feel ill or upset, they come to me asking, "Mom, will you rub me?"  with their arm outstretched in the anticipation of the calm reassurance that my touch can offer.

When Jesus Christ was incarnated (became flesh and blood) He did so that He might fully identify with us as human beings, complete with every ache, pain, trauma, upset, joy, and sorrow that we know.  His touch carried with it the tremendous power to heal and change lives forever.  Those around Him sensed that power and clamored to His person for the purpose of receiving that mighty, life-changing touch.  Even brushing the hem of his robe was powerful enough to facilitate total healing.  (Read the story of the woman with an issue of blood in Luke 8:43-48.)  Love flowed from our Lord in a never-ending stream and His care for mankind was expressed through His touch.

Using the power of touch can diffuse a volatile situation.  For example, if you need to have a discussion with someone that you're pretty sure will cause some mental or emotional discomfort in them, or you, or both, try asking them to sit near you and take their hand in yours before you begin to speak.  As you begin the conversation, gently stroke the back of their hand and hold it with a gentle firmness in your own so they will not draw their hand away.  You'll find the response you receive will be rewarding.  If you and someone you love are engaged in an argument, try reaching out and gently grasping that other person's hand.  Softly pat the back of their hand or stroke their lower arm as you speak.  In moments, the anger will begin to soften, the words will come with less venom, and the argument will change into a calm discussion that leads to a mutually beneficial end.

I have sat at the bedside of many dying individuals within the span of my life.  Regardless of their past lives or present experiences, each and every one of them longed for me to hold their hand gently, stroke their arm, and convey the message of love to them through my touch.  In many cases, as the love and compassion of the Holy Spirit has flowed through me,  I have been able to ease their anxiety and bring them a sense of calm reassurance that has allowed them to pass into eternity peacefully.

In our homes we can use the sense of touch to help us create a loving, warm, and inviting environment for those we care about.  During the harsh months of winter, a snuggly afghan and a soft pillow resting on the sofa become an instant comfort-giving pair.  An electric blanket can be used to warm the bed on a cold  night.  A fire in the fireplace gives warmth and comfort , and enjoying its heat may help elicit some very meaningful conversations within a family.

Perhaps one of the most effective ways we can communicate our love to others is to simply reach out and gently touch them as we pass by.  Ruffling my grandsons' hair, brushing the golden tresses of my granddaughter, massaging my husband's aching back at the end of a busy work day, rubbing analgesic cream into the arthritic hands of my mother... all these examples of touch have repeatedly said "I love you" to those whom I value.

Not long ago, my middle daughter (Somer) said this to me:  "Mom, some day when you are no longer here with us, the thing I will most remember about you are your soft, gentle hands and all the times when you rubbed away my cares."  That statement brought tears to my eyes and a deep joy to my heart.  What a wonderful way to be remembered.  I thank my Lord for His touch on my life that has allowed me to touch others with love and compassion each day I live.

"When one of the Pharisees invited Jesus to have dinner with him, he went to the Pharisee’s house and reclined at the table.   A woman in that town who lived a sinful life learned that Jesus was eating at the Pharisee’s house, so she came there with an alabaster jar of perfume.  As she stood behind him at his feet weeping, she began to wet his feet with her tears. Then she wiped them with her hair, kissed them and poured perfume on them."

(Luke 7:36-38)

Your Amazing Amygdala and Hippocampus

Recently I placed an order with a company online for several essential oils I needed in order to create some Christmas gifts for this year.  I was truly amazed at the number of choices available to me on that single site alone, not to mention the hundreds of other distributors also offering these oils.  And then there are the companies that offer pre-made products that use such oils for fragrance.  There is a newly popular company that sponsors home-based showings of candle warmers and fragrances intended for use in homes across the country, and the company is enjoying phenomenal success (not to mention the homemakers who are selling the products and those who are sponsoring the "parties").  The business of creating pleasant aromas is booming!

There may be no more powerful tool to use in creating a welcoming home environment than aroma.  Think about it.  We can walk into a beautifully decorated room filled with amazing decor, but if it smells like a skunk just ran through, we're not likely to want to remain there.  Conversely, a kitchen might be in total disarray, but the smell of fresh bread baking in the oven calls us to linger there in eager anticipation of the reward.  By addressing the sense of smell, we can create a home that beckons people inside and encourages them to remain.  We may evoke fond memories of childhood experiences, calm the spirit, or remind others of a coming spring season even in the midst of the harshest of winters.

In an article by Rachel Herz, assistant professor of psychology at Brown University, we find an explanation of how smell affects our emotions:

"We know that the neurological substrates of olfaction are especially geared for associative learning and emotional processing. The olfactory bulbs are part of the limbic system and directly connect with limbic structures that process emotion (the amygdala) and associative learning (the hippocampus). No other sensory system has this type of intimate link with the neural areas of emotion and associative learning, therefore there is a strong neurological basis for why odors trigger emotional connections."

As complicated as that may sound, the simple truth is that smells have the ability to trigger feelings.  By providing pleasant aromas in our home, we can make others feel welcomed, safe, relaxed, joyful, or romantic.

Many years ago an elderly friend shared a secret with me (back when I was learning how to build a home environment and become an accomplished homemaker).  She said that when time neared for her husband to arrive home from work, if she had not already begun making supper she would quickly peel an onion and a potato and put them into a pot of boiling water.  The aroma that resulted would fill the kitchen and her husband would enter the home feeling that something good to eat awaited him.  He even often remarked on that aroma as a gentle reminder to him that he was home.  (What a wise woman she was.)  My daughter-in-love (known to some as a daughter-in-law... but our love for her far outweighs our legal obligations to her) loves to bake homemade bread.  When new loaves are in the making, her entire house is permeated with that intoxicating aroma and everyone inside is suddenly in a good mood.  Their eager anticipation of a wonderful, warm slice of heaven slathered with a bit of butter makes any negativity fly out the window.  My husband has more than once remarked to me that opening the back door of the house to be greeted with the aroma of a homemade meal seems to wipe away any of the aggravations he might have had at work that day.  (Of course, I also seek to meet his other senses in positive fashion to create a home environment that beckons and gives the desire to him to hurry home at the end of a long day.)  A restless, fussy child can often be soothed by a warm bath and some lavender scented body soap.  In fact, that was how I prepared my babies for bedtime each and every night.  (Looking at the scented products marketed for baby care in the store will quickly reveal the value of lavender.)

So, the  point here is simple... creating pleasant aromas in our home will ensure that the family and guests entering into it will find a comfortable environment that evokes positive emotions and sets the mood for what is to follow.  Doing this is not difficult or expensive.  Stores are filled with candles, room sprays, plug-in aromatic dispensers, and other commercial means by which to create aromas.  Frozen bread loaves are readily available at the grocery store.  Setting our clocks to remind us to have supper simmering on the stove when our family arrives home for the evening is a reminder to us of the tremendous power we have been given to make the world within the walls of our house a special place, and one they look forward to entering.

Throughout the remainder of the evening we can introduce a variety of pleasant smells to our family by fixing a pot of mulled cider, popping some popcorn, drawing a warm bath and setting out a bar of lavender scented soap, even slipping into our nightgown after applying some scented hand and body lotion.  The possibilities are limitless.  

In the Bible, Mary knew the value of aroma:  

 "Mary then took a pound of very costly perfume of pure nard, and anointed the feet of Jesus and wiped His feet with her hair; and the house was filled with the fragrance of the perfume." (John 12:3)

Mary then took a pound of very costly perfume of pure nard, and anointed the feet of Jesus and wiped His feet with her hair; and the house was filled with the fragrance of the perfume. - See more at: http://bible.knowing-jesus.com/topics/Smells#sthash.IAMnK4ec.dpuf

 

Mary then took a pound of very costly perfume of pure nard, and anointed the feet of Jesus and wiped His feet with her hair; and the house was filled with the fragrance of the perfume. - See more at: http://bible.knowing-jesus.com/topics/Smells#sthash.IAMnK4ec.dpuf

I'll bet even now you are remembering an aroma that evokes a positive emotion in you.  Your amygdala and hippocampus are hard at work... and you didn't even know it.  Surely our God has created a miracle in our bodies.  Using the power of the sense of smell will allow us to create a positive home environment and help us effectively minister to those people whom we love so dearly.  What does love smell like to you?

"But thanks be to God, Who in Christ always leads us in triumph [as trophies of Christ's victory] and through us spreads and makes evident the fragrance of the knowledge of God everywhere, for we are the sweet fragrance of Christ [which exhales] unto God, [discernible alike] among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing"

(II Corinthians 2:14-15)

Coming to Our Senses: Sight

I have been blessed to enjoy 32 years of marriage with my marvelous husband, Bob.  During those years, we have also known the joy of our three talented, uniquely gifted children (now grown and raising families of their own).  Not every day was a party, but I wouldn't trade a single one.  For all these past many years, my goal has always been to create an environment in our home that would make it a safe place of refuge from the demands and worries of the outside world.  My efforts appear to have paid off, since during their childhood and teenage years our children and their friends made our home the hub of most of their activities.  The house and yard were nearly always filled with kids, and we seldom sat down to a meal void of children from someone else's family joining us.  Sometimes my friends would say, "Don't you ever get tired of having so many other kids around?"  My answer:  "Never!  As long as my children have their friends here in our home, I know they are safe and I know what they're doing."

I would like to share some ideas with my readers as to how they might begin to make their homes a refuge from the world for themselves and their families.  To that end, my next several posts will be centered on "coming to our senses" when building a home environment.  The suggestions I give are just that... suggestions.  They may serve as models or they may simply spark your imaginations, but I trust the Lord will give you insight into the unique personality of your family and encourage you in the role of homemaker, as the very center of that family experience.

We have all been given five distinct senses by our Lord:  sight, hearing, smell, taste, and touch.  I believe that if we take the time to make each of those senses a pleasant experience in our home, our family and others will always desire to spend time within that immediate vicinity.  Today, I will address the sense of sight, in particular.

Many people have told me that my home is "beautiful," "well-decorated," or "inviting."  Often, they comment that I must have "spent a fortune" to decorate every room.  My friends, nothing could be further from the truth.  Nearly all of my furniture has come from re-sale stores or yard sales, and some even from the Salvation Army Thrift Store in a nearby town.  When our family was younger, we used to say our style of decorating was "early Eikmeier attic," meaning that the bulk of our furnishings and decorations had been handed down to us by my mother-in-law and father-in-law.  (Fortunately, Mom and I had pretty similar tastes in decorating.)  Sometimes I have refinished a piece of wooden furniture or recovered a simple chair using an inexpensive piece of fabric usually found in a sale bin somewhere.  In nearly every case, a good cleaning was the basis of reclaiming a used piece and preparing it for a new life with a fresh coat of paint or varnish.  Why go to all that trouble?  Simple.  When someone walks into my home their first impression will be set by what they SEE in the first five minutes.  If I can meet their sense of sight with something pleasant to view, I'm off to a great start in making them feel comfortable and at home. 

Of course, all the decorating in the world will never cover over dirt.  Just keeping my home clean and tidy has gone a long way toward making it a comfortable place in which to be.  Aside from a minimal investment in a bucket, some sponges, and a little soap, the cost of cleaning is nearly nil.  The effect, however, is invaluable.  People always appreciate being in an environment that is neatly kept and tastefully decorated.  Both industry and commercial companies understand that concept clearly and spend great sums of money hiring interior design consultants to establish  warm, welcoming surroundings for their employees and customers.  Our home should never be outdone by some clothing store showroom or doctor's waiting room.  When my husband and children (and guests, of course) enter into our home, I want them to SEE a tidy, clean, inviting place where they feel welcomed and valued.  Dirty dishes piled in the sink, unmade beds, toys strewn from one end of the house to the other, clutter piled high on every flat surface... these are the things that create a sense of unrest in the human spirit.  Our God is a God of order.  If we follow His lead, we can rest assured that "home" will be a pleasant word on the lips of those we love.

Not only our home, but our person makes a strong impression on others.  Since my husband goes to work each day and inevitably meets dozens of other women out in the world, I need to take care that when he comes home he is greeted by someone who values him enough to take the time to be well-groomed and attractive for his benefit.  I don't necessarily strive to do housework in my high heels or look like June Cleaver (string of pearls and all) every day, but when I notice the clock nearing the time of Bob's arrival home from work, I check my hair, change out of my cleaning clothes, and try to put in a pair of earrings and a quick touch of lipstick.  That all takes about 5 minutes of my time... 5 minutes well invested if it causes my husband to smile and think of me as the person who he looks forward to seeing at the end of every work day.

If we take the time and invest the necessary energy to meet the SIGHT needs of our families, coming home will be something they "look" forward to, not something they dread.  Friends and acquaintances will notice the difference and always make complimentary comments.  God has given us the gift of vision, so let's thank Him by creating an environment of beauty for our family.  I don't have the time or space in this blog to elaborate further, but I pray the Holy Spirit will begin to prime your creative pump and show you ways to make your home a special place of refuge from a harsh, uncaring world.

"Through skillful and godly Wisdom is a house (a life, a home, a family) built, and by understanding it is established [on a sound and good foundation], and by knowledge shall its chambers [of every area] be filled with all precious and pleasant riches."

(Proverbs 24:3-4, Amplified Bible)

Love In Action

The first church I attended regularly (and the one in which I experienced my salvation through Jesus Christ) often comes to my mind.  I have fond memories for the people who worshiped there with me, for the marvelous pastor who preached and taught the Word of God (and who also performed the marriage ceremony for my husband and me), and for many of the wonderful ministries that church had established in the community where it was located.  One of the most endearing of those ministries was called "Love In Action."  Simply explained, this ministry was devoted to identifying specific needs in the lives of others (most often, those in that particular body of believers) and then meeting those needs by taking action.  I have never forgotten that simple name for a powerful ministry, and it is my desire to one day soon be able to establish just such a ministry group in a church in this area.  It is a sorely needed ministry in this world where a "what's in it for me" mentality seems to have taken over.  So, let's think about what Love in Action might look like for your church (or even your personal life and family).

A body of believers, a local congregation, is comprised of a multitude of people each gifted with talents and abilities bestowed upon them by the Holy Spirit, for the purpose of service to the body and the community.  As unique individuals, each of us possesses a skill set unlike anyone else.  It is our duty to put those skills and spiritual gifts to work for the glory of God and in order to visibly show our love to others.

Let's start by simply gathering information from those with whom we regularly worship:
1.  What do you do for a living?  What resources might be available to you by virtue of your employment?
2.  What special skills do you possess?  (Perhaps you're tech-savvy and have great knowledge in computers.  Maybe you're a super cook who loves preparing meals for others.  Is it possible you're a good mechanic, skilled at repairing automobiles or other motorized things?)
3.  What does your daily/weekly schedule look like?  How available can you be to meet the needs of others?
4.  What are your spiritual gifts?  (Now, before these can be shared it is certainly necessary to offer a class on spiritual gifts to the local congregation.  I will probably talk about that in another post at some time.)
5.  What drives you?  I'm not referring to what kind of auto you own, but rather to the passion that lives in your heart... that certain something you think about every day.

By creating a simple questionnaire and distributing it to all the members of the church, we can begin to build a "bank" of unique talents and abilities that exists within the body.  Using 5x7 note cards, we can then create a file of names, gifts, talents, availability, resources, and desires for service and arrange them in organized fashion for quick reference when a need is identified.  For example, if we become aware of a widow in the church who has been troubled with a leak in the roof of her home, it will be a simple matter to look through the files and identify anyone with experience and/or expertise is home repair, roofing, or carpentry who could be contacted to set into motion the work which needs to be done to help this widow and effect the needed repairs on her house.

A second example:  Information surfaces regarding a young wife and mother who is struggling with the challenges and responsibilities of cooking, cleaning, rearing children, and creating a God-honoring environment for her family in the home.  Opportunities may arise for a day of free child care (by someone in the church who is gifted in children's ministries), cooking lessons (by someone who is skilled in meal planning and preparation), help with housekeeping skills (by someone who cleans homes or whose home is evidence of their skill in that area), and the list goes on.

It should go without saying (but I'll say it anyway) that the church family must create an environment in which members are not hesitant to share their needs.  No one should ever feel embarrassed or tentative to reach out for help from their brothers and sisters in the Lord.  II Corinthians 1:4 tells us, "He (God) comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us." (New Living Translation)  There was a time when we were not experts at what we now consider easy to accomplish.  We all began by needing instruction and guidance, so it should be only a natural response of the believer to be willing to share that knowledge we have gained through experience.  It is surely troubling to be faced with a need and have no idea where to turn for help.

Most often, when a specific need is expressed by someone, our immediate response is to say, "Well, I'll  pray about that for you."  Certainly, we should pray and we need to be in constant prayer for the needs of those around us.  However, that cannot be where we stop.  We need to put feet and hands to our prayers and find ways in which to express our love for others by taking action to meet their needs and exhibit the kind of love that Jesus showed when he turned water into wine for the marriage celebration, when he healed the centurion's daughter and restored her life, and when he used five small loaves of bread and two tiny fish to feed five thousand hungry people.

My challenge to you today is simple:  Think about establishing a "Love In Action" ministry in your church, or about becoming actively involved in such a ministry if it already exists.  Pray for those in need... and then put hands and feet to your prayers.  Invest in the lives of others as Christ has invested in yours.  Share your talents, skills, and time in order to show what real love looks like.  Stop just talking about love and start doing things to show that love really lives in you.

Some years ago a movie came out entitled "Pay It Forward."  If you've never seen it, I would recommend finding a copy to view with your family and/or friends.  The reason for the tremendous success of the movie was, I believe, to be found in the innate desire of every man to reach out in love to others and to believe that others desire to reach out in love to them, as well.  We all want to know that we're not in this life alone.  The poet, John Dunne, wrote:

No man is an island entire of itself; every man 
is a piece of the continent, a part of the main; 
if a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe 
is the less, as well as if a promontory were, as 
well as any manner of thy friends or of thine 
own were; any man's death diminishes me, 
because I am involved in mankind. 
And therefore never send to know for whom 
the bell tolls; it tolls for thee. 

Let us all be "involved in mankind."  Someone else may be in need today... and we may be able to meet that need. 

Tomorrow it may be us who needs help. 

 "What is the use (profit), my brethren, for anyone to profess to have faith if he has no

good works [to show for it]?  Can [such] faith save [his soul]?  If a brother or sister is poorly

clad and lacks food for each day, and one of you says to him, 'Good-bye!  Keep yourself

warm and well fed,'  without giving him the necessities for the body, what good does

that do?  So also faith, if it does not have works (deeds and actions of obedience to back

it up), by itself is destitute of power (inoperative, dead)."

(James 2:14-17, Amplified Bible) 
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            

But What Does Love Look Like?

Back in my teen years a song came along, recorded by Dionne Warwick, that skyrocketed to the top of the music charts and remained on top for several weeks.  The title was "What the World Needs Now."  The message:   

What the world needs now is love, sweet love.  

It's the only thing that there's just too little of.  

What the world needs now is love, sweet love.  

No, not just for some, but for everyone.

When Christ was asked which commandment was the "greatest" one, His reply was,  

“You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the greatest and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as 

yourself. On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.” (Matthew 22:36-40)   

For most of us, this is not an unfamiliar passage in Scripture.  In fact, we've probably heard it quoted and preached all our lives.  But, my question to you would be:  What does that LOOK like?  How does that kind of love manifest itself in our daily lives?  What do we DO to show that kind of love, and where do we LEARN to do it?  

Perhaps we can go to the store and buy a book on love and by reading it we'll become experts on the subject.  Maybe we'll buy that book and let it sit on our bedside table so that hopefully we'll learn all it teaches through some kind of miraculous process of osmosis;  the teachings in the book will simply float across the void between our pillow and the pages of that work and infiltrate our minds while we sleep.  And then, we will awaken a new person, filled to overflowing with love and ready to pass it along to all we meet.

Or maybe we'll spend hours in front of the television watching religious programming and anointed preachers.  Surely we will hear about love from them and be challenged to show that love to others.  Television evangelists are well-known for their fiery, convicting dialogue that digs to the heart of a matter and brings its truth to light so that those watching will know of all the scriptures and Biblical references that speak to it.  With enough time in front of the T.V. we'll certainly become loving individuals.

If those two avenues don't do it for us, surely we can learn how to love in Sunday school class and from the sermons preached in church.  We will learn all about Jesus, who loved the children... God, who loves us all... and the Holy Spirit, who gives us the ability to walk in love every day.  Once we've been provided with all that information we'll be prepared to walk in Christ's love throughout our life and in every situation.

Now don't misunderstand me.  I think that good Christian authors have done a great job of writing all about love, from every possible angle.  In fact, even now I am writing about it hoping that you will read this post and find some nugget of truth you can apply to your life as a believer in Jesus Christ.  Televangelists (at least most of them) have biblically solid ministries that meet the needs of those who are homebound or looking for some encouragement in everyday life.  Our Sunday school literature and the sermons of anointed preachers in our churches are excellent ways in which we can hear the love message and discover how Jesus lived that message every day that He walked upon this earth.  Even with all that, the question still remains:  How does that love manifest itself in MY life?  What does it look like for ME?  How do I learn to SHOW real love to those around me and not just talk about it?

Recently, the Holy Spirit laid upon my heart the need for women to learn about the roles for which they have been created in order to glorify God in their lives.  I awakened one morning with a message on my mind: simply,  Titus 2.  I confess that I do not have my entire Bible memorized, so I was not immediately aware of what Scripture had to say in Titus 2.  A cup of coffee in hand, I took up my Bible to read this chapter and discovered within it the call for mature believers to "teach" others how to love:

"But [as for] you, teach what is fitting and becoming to sound (wholesome) doctrine [the character and right living that identify true Christians].  Urge the older men to be temperate, venerable (serious), sensible, self-controlled, and sound in the faith, in the love, and in the steadfastness and patience [of Christ].  Bid the older women similarly to be reverent and devout in their deportment as becomes those engaged in sacred service, not slanderers or slaves to drink.  They are to give good counsel and be teachers of what is right and noble, so that they will wisely train the young women to be sane and sober of mind (temperate, disciplined) and to love their husbands and their children; to be self-controlled,chaste, homemakers, good-natured (kindhearted), adapting and subordinating themselves to their husbands, that the word of God may not be exposed to reproach (blasphemed or discredited)."  (Titus 2:1-5)

There is so much contained within this passage of Scripture that it would be impossible to address it all in one posting on this blog.  And yet, I believe the teaching therein is crucial to be clearly understood and followed if we, as believers in Christ, are to fulfill that greatest of all commandments... to love the Lord our God with all our hearts, and all our souls, and all our minds, and to love others even as we love ourselves.  To that end, I have decided to dedicate my next several posts to addressing what that kind of love LOOKS like as it is lived out in day-to-day life at home.  I pray the Lord will give me clear insight and the right words and examples to use to make that love, to which He has called us, something we can begin to show in concrete ways to our world.  I pray, also, you will follow me on that journey.

"I give you a new commandment:  that you should love one another.  Just as I have loved you, so you too should love one another.  By this shall all [men] know that you are My disciples, if you love one another [if you keep on showing love among yourselves]."

(John 13:34-35, Amplified Bible)

Venturing Out From the Familiar

We are all faced with making tough decisions in life.  Like most people, I find myself comfortable with the familiar and unsettled with the idea of stepping into the unknown.  Because of that, I sometimes try to put off making decisions which will require a change in the status quo for myself.  Try as I may, sooner or later the time comes when I can no longer side-step the issue and I am forced to make a choice.

Recently, I have struggled with just such a situation and have been restless, ill at ease, and pretty much plain miserable having not made a definite decision.  Last Sunday morning our pastor preached a sermon on Jonah.  It's a familiar story to all of us.  Jonah was called by God to go to the people of Nineveh and preach a message of repentance, but rather than deal with the personal discomfort that might mean for him, Jonah took off in the opposite direction, trying to avoid and hide from Almighty God.  Because of his choice, not only was Jonah put in a dangerous situation at sea, but his actions also threatened the well being of the other men on his ship.  The rest of the story is well known to me, but the truth is I didn't even hear the rest of the story that morning.  Sitting on that pew, the Holy Spirit spoke to me at a very personal level.  By trying to avoid making an uncomfortable decision, not only had I suffered the effects of a restless and unfulfilled spirit, but I was also putting the peace of others at risk... my husband, in particular.  At the close of the sermon an altar call was given, and I knelt there before God to ask for forgiveness and clear direction.  The Spirit spoke clearly to my heart... "A double-minded man should expect nothing from God.  He (or she) is like a boat tossed about on the waves, unstable in all he/she does."  Despite all the inner turmoil I had been dealing with for weeks, I determined then to make a final decision and place my trust in God to correct any error I might make.  At that very moment a heavy weight was lifted from my soul and I felt a peace descend upon my heart for the first time in months.  That peace has remained with me from that moment to now.

Not all the choices we ever face will be so difficult, but from time to time we are called to make a decision that we would rather avoid.  Often, the path ahead is uncertain and we feel far more comfortable remaining right where we are in life.  The familiar is our security blanket, while the unknown feels frightening to us.  At those times we must pray for clear direction, listen to the voice of God as He speaks to our heart, then muster up our courage and step forward in faith, regardless of whether or not we understand it all.

This is not the first time I have ever needed to step forward in faith, trusting God to prepare the way and lead me where He would have me go.  What troubles me is that each time I've had to struggle a little with wanting my own way, rather than yielding immediately to the Lord's will.  Whenever that happens, I find myself torn apart spiritually and emotionally until I finally come to my senses and agree to do what God is leading me to do.  Then, when in obedience and faith I step forward with confidence in my Father, peace always follows. 
God's directions and His timing are always perfect.

"Be careful [anxious] for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.  And the peace of God, which passes all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."

(Philippians 4:6-7)

Mourning the Loss of Potential

Yesterday I spent some time with a former close friend of mine.  I say "former" because she has chosen a different path for her life that has taken her far from me, both logistically and spiritually.  We used to be as close as sisters; now we seem almost strangers.  Our time together yesterday was discouraging to my spirit and I can honestly say I don't recall her smiling one single time during the entire 4 hours.  Her conversations centered on all the woes and problems with which she is faced and all the regrets her heart holds for choices she's made in the past.  The woman I remembered-- the one who used to get out of bed every morning ready for an adventure with the Lord-- that woman doesn't seem to exist any longer.  Now, she shuffles about with her head hung low and a downtrodden look firmly planted on her face.  She is no longer taking care of her personal appearance, either.  When we were close friends she took some pride in her hair, put on a little lipstick and powder each day, polished her nails, and always put in a pair of earrings before leaving the house.  Yesterday's woman was disheveled in appearance, hair grown out and shaggy, drab and wrinkled clothes, no make-up, and certainly no earrings.

The striking part of all this is that my friend has already lived this sort of life before.  In fact, when she came into my life she was in a terrible situation and had little to look forward to from one day to the next.  Over a period of time, as we grew closer, she came to live here in my home for the purpose of building a new life for herself.  She lived here for seven months, and during that time lost a good deal of weight, began to take pride in herself, paid off some bills, and even began to make plans to move into a place of her own where she could establish her home according to all the things she loves.  Her spiritual life was alive and growing, and people enjoyed her company.  A sense of joy followed wherever she went.

So, what has happened to my friend?  The same thing, I fear, that happens to far too many immature Christians.  In a moment of poor choices and hasty decision making, she moved back into a situation with another family member that was doomed for failure from the start.  Her sister is not a believer, so the very basis upon which their relationship was to be built was a shaky foundation, at best.  In addition, her sister takes no pride whatsoever in her personal appearance, nor does she take appropriate care (exercising good stewardship) over her house, auto, or any other of her possessions.  She is a negative minded, sour-spirited person who exists in a perpetual state of self-pity and self-indulgence that has led to laziness and gluttony resulting in extreme obesity and ill health.  After a few months living with her sister, my friend decided to part company and move on... into an equally unhealthy living situation with her alcoholic son and his live-in wife.

Proverbs 4:23 says,  "Keep and guard your heart with all vigilance and above all that you guard, for out of it flows the spring of life."  Some paraphrases of this verse read:  "Guard your heart above anything else you have, because it determines the kind of life you will live."  Also, "Be careful how you think; your life is shaped by your thoughts."  The thoughts we harbor in our minds and the words we speak from our lips will determine the paths we walk in life.

Additionally, II Corinthians 6:14 warns:  "Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?"  Although many people consider this verse only with reference to whom they marry, I believe the message goes beyond that relationship to encompass all our close associations and friendships.  For believers, it is crucial to spend the bulk of our time in the company of those who hold the same spiritual beliefs as we do.  While we might want to think that our Godly influence can change those around us, constant close fellowship with unbelievers is more likely to drag us backward in our walk with the Lord.  This is particularly true of immature Christians.

I do not view my friend as a Pygmalion project.  I never set out to turn Eliza Doolittle into a proper lady.  I did, however, desire to see this woman blossom into the newness of life available through Jesus Christ... and for a time she did.  It was a thrill to watch and a constant reaffirmation to me of God's faithfulness and His desire to restore and revive His children.  Now, I am deeply saddened to see what has become of this dear woman.  I grieve the loss of her  joy and her potential to make a kingdom difference.

Be careful, dear ones, in the choices you make.  Guard your hearts.  Choose your friends and acquaintances wisely.  When our life becomes a tragic example of stolen potential, never to be fully realized, Satan has won.  Remember the warning of Solomon:  "He who walks [as a companion] with wise men is wise, but he who associates with fools (unbelievers) is a fool himself and shall smart (suffer greatly) for it."  (Proverbs 13:20)

"Blessed (happy, fortunate, prosperous, and enviable) is the man who walks and lives not in the counsel of the ungodly [following their advice, their plans and purposes], nor stands [submissive and inactive] in the path where sinners walk, nor sits down [to relax and rest] where the scornful [and the mockers] gather.  But his delight and desire are in the law of the Lord, and on His law (the precepts, the instructions, the teachings of God) he habitually meditates (ponders and studies) by day and by night."  

Psalms 1:1-2 (Amplified Bible) 

Examining the Condition of Our Heart

Somewhere along the line, somehow, it would seem our society has reached the conclusion that the worst thing we can ever do is to hurt someone's feelings.  Now let me clearly state right here that feelings are legitimate and are directly associated with emotions.  Both of those things are God-given and serve functions in the human life.  However, when they are elevated to such a high and lofty position in our life that the need to constantly stroke them overshadows all else, then the scales have become unbalanced.

Some time back there was an advertising campaign launched into the world that bore the slogan "If it feels good, do it!"  At this point, I doubt most people will even remember what company that represented, but nearly anyone to whom you speak can clearly remember the slogan.  It was eagerly embraced by society and soon became the mantra by which a large portion of the population determined to live their lives.  The problem with that mentality is simple:  Nowhere in Scripture does God tell us that our feelings (emotions) should precede our actions.

I John 3:18-19 tells us: 
Little children, let us not love [merely] in theory or in speech, but in deed and in truth (in practice and in sincerity).  By this we shall come to know (perceive, recognize, and understand) that we are of the Truth, and can reassure (quiet conciliate, and pacify) our hearts in His presence."  Let's not just talk about how loving we are-- we need to practice the actions that express that love to others.  We cannot effectively convey our faith in an all-providing, ever-present, comforting God if we are constantly exhibiting anxiety and depression to everyone around us.  Our hearts will never be pacified/quieted if we never learn to express gratitude and contentment with all He has given to us each and every day.  Clearly, we must understand that feelings and emotions cannot rule our lives.

A friend of mine recently told me about a trip she and some other ladies had made to an unfamiliar town some distance from home.  Like any self-respecting, modern-day band of women travelers, they programed their destination into the trusty GPS of her car and set out.  When they reached the town, the GPS began "guiding" them down street after street, block after block, sometimes even causing them to backtrack where they had already been.  After 30 minutes of driving in circles they stopped at a police station and received the correct directions to their desired destination.  As she was relating this story to me, Alice (my sweet friend) stated emphatically, "That doggone GPS thing was leading us everywhere but where we wanted to go!"

Often, our feelings and emotions will (if we allow them to) lead us everywhere but where we want to go in this life.  Following and acting upon feelings may result in us never reaching our desired destination.  Feelings are unreliable, unstable, and affected by too many things around us.  We cannot depend on them to direct us toward a life of stability and peace in Jesus Christ.  It is only by consciously thinking about and acting upon the directions given us in God's Word that we can eventually change our feelings and thereby create proper, healthy emotions.  Our behavior will ultimately reflect the condition of our heart.

Jesus said, "Peace I leave with you; My [own] peace I now give and bequeath to you.  Not as the world gives do I give to you.  So do not let your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. [Stop allowing yourselves to be agitated and disturbed; and do not permit yourselves to be fearful and intimidated and cowardly and unsettled.]"  Believers have a responsibility to not let our hearts be troubled.  We must choose to walk (take action) in obedience to the Word if we are ever to feel (have the emotions of) the peace that God offers.  In a nutshell:  Actions first, then feelings!

If you are being led through this life by your emotions...STOP THAT!!!!  You are no better than a bull with a ring in his nose being forced to plod through your existence and led into turmoil day after day.  Take the ring out of your nose and start making your decisions to act on the basis of the clear instructions given in the Bible.  Then, and only then, will your feelings come into line.  Even when strong emotions try to sway you, you'll be able to stand firm in the conviction that continually dwelling (living) in obedience to God will get you to that place of peace and contentment we all so desperately seek for ourselves.

If I have hurt your feelings by something I've written here... Oh, well.  Hurt feelings are NOT the worst thing that can happen to a person!  Sometimes hurt feelings reflect a guilty conscience... and a guilty conscience is God's way of convicting us that we are not living in a way that glorifies Him and shows the world around us that He is truly the Lord of our life. 

OUR BEHAVIOR (not our feelings) REFLECTS THE CONDITION OF OUR HEARTS.

"But be doers of the Word [obey the message], and not merely listeners to it, betraying yourselves [into deception by reasoning contrary to the Truth].  For if anyone only listens to the Word without obeying it and being a doer of it, he is like a man who looks carefully at his [own] natural face in a mirror; for he thoughtfully observes himself, and then goes off and promptly forgets what he was like."  

(James 1:22-24)