Not "Good Enough"

There is a dangerous, pervading mentality working its way through the church today like so much infection... eating away at the very flesh of the body of Christ.  It can easily be summed up in one simple phrase, which I have heard far too many times emanating from the mouths of believers:  "Well, that's good enough."  Usually that phrase is clarified and elaborated upon by explanations that leave me nearly speechless (and those of you who know me know that being speechless is not a common problem for me).  These Christians will go on to say something like, "It's not like I'm getting paid to do this, you know.  My work for the church is strictly volunteer, so this should be sufficient.  If I were getting paid to do it, that would be a whole different story."  My friends, take heed.  That mentality, that willingness to settle for less than your very best, that downright foolish laziness is part of what is destroying the church and its influence in the world today.  God has never asked us to do just enough to get by because He Himself has done the most excellent things for us and on our behalf.

In Acts 3:1-26 we can read the account of the healing of the lame man by Jesus' disciple, Peter.  This man had been lying next to the gate outside the temple court for years, lame from birth.  Each day, as people passed by to enter into the temple court, this beggar would plead for alms (money given to someone as an act of mercy) so that he might be able to survive yet another day, pitiful as those days were.  When Peter began to enter the temple courtyard, he encountered the man and heard his plea for money, but Peter and his companions did not have anything to give to the beggar.  However, the story did not end there.  Rather, Peter approached the man, took him by the hand, and commanded that he be healed in Jesus' name and that he get up and walk.  Not only did the beggar rise to his feet, but Scripture tells us he "... jumped up, began walking around, and entered into the temple courtyard leaping and jumping and loudly praising God."  Because Peter had done an excellent thing, the beggar was able to do an excellent job of showing those present what it meant to be healed by the Lord and changed for the rest of his life.

If you are a Christian (a Christ-follower), you have been healed of your past life and all its infirmities associated with sin.  You have been raised up in a new life and given the power to do great things in His name.  And now, you are an example for others to follow, that they might see the amazing difference that Jesus has made in your life and be drawn to Him for that same kind of life.  No one has ever been brought to a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ by someone who was content to just do "good enough."

Last year we were preparing for our annual Christmas cantata at the church and were holding a work day for women who wanted to help sew costumes for the actors and actresses.  At that time, my cousin Katherine was living in the area and had asked if she could join in on the work, even though she did not attend our church.  I accepted her invitation with gladness, and we were working diligently at putting together costumes for the magi (the "wise men," as some would say).  Another lady had been sewing on her piece for a time and had "finished" her work, so she brought it to me for my approval.  The first thing that caught my eye was the fact that the gown had not been hemmed at the bottom.  When I inquired about that, the lady responded, "Well, it's just a costume and I figured we'd just leave it.  I'll cut the fabric with pinking shears so it doesn't ravel.  That should be good enough."  To that statement I replied, "Hello.  My name is Patricia Eikmeier.  Have we met before?"  My cousin began to chuckle because she knew exactly what I was trying to convey to the woman.  Good enough?!  I have never been content to do something that was just "good enough" and I had no intention of beginning to cultivate that habit or accept it from anyone else.  Thirty minutes later, the costume had been properly hemmed and met with my resounding approval... and that lady was able to take pride in the beautiful job she had done with it.  I must tell you that we received countless praises for the breathtaking costumes by those who attended the cantata that year.  Many of them told me, "We have never had such a professional looking drama accompany our cantatas here in the past.  You ladies did an awesome job creating those costumes and setting the mood for the terrific job done by the choir!"

If you are reading this blog today, I encourage you to take a critical look at the job you have been doing representing Jesus Christ to those around you.  Have you been performing just "good enough" to get by?
-  Being in church for Sunday morning worship, but never darkening the door again throughout the week is
    NOT good enough.
-  Quickly spouting off a memorized prayer before the meal when company is present, but never spending
    time alone with God in your personal prayer closet is NOT good enough.
-  Throwing a couple of dollars into the offering plate, but never considering the importance of the tithe and
    the blessing it represents is NOT good enough.
-  Doing a half-hearted job because it's just for the church and you're not being paid for it, but never
    considering the price that was paid for your salvation is NOT good enough.

Christians are not called to perfection.  If we were able to reach perfection then Christ's death at Calvary would have been a waste.  It is only through the cleansing, atoning blood of Jesus that we can be perfected and made holy to be presented to a holy God.  Christians are called, however, to excellence.  If we are truly followers (imitators) of Jesus Christ, we cannot... dare not... settle for anything less.  This call to excellence must be a part of everything we do, whether in or out of the church.  We must be excellent employees, representing the faith to our fellow workers and our employer.  We must be excellent neighbors representing Christ to those living on our block and beyond.  We are called to be excellent parents, spouses, and children that our lives might glorify God and draw the ones we love to Him.  Above all, when serving the body of believers in the local church, we must always seek excellence in what we do.  Are we representing the name of Jesus Christ in the best way possible, or are we content to do "just good enough" to get by?

Our salvation does not depend upon our works.  Let me state that clearly here.  "For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—  not by works, so that no one can boast."  (Ephesians 2:8-9)  However, understand that our rewards in heaven will be determined by our actions here on earth.  "For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each one may receive what is due for what he has done in the body, whether good or evil."  
(2 Corinthians 5:10)  And again we are told, when Christ returns:  "And, behold, I come quickly; and my reward [is] with me, to give every man according as his work shall be."  (Revelation 22:12)  I have heard Christians say (far too many times to suit me), "I'll be satisfied with just a little cottage over in the far corner of heaven.  I'm not asking for much."  My friends, why would we ever be satisfied with that when we can inherit a mansion like that given to Jesus Christ Himself.  If we are indeed "joint heirs" with Jesus, shall we not look forward to receiving the rewards He has received?  Our works here on earth will be rewarded accordingly.  Half-hearted works will result in little reward.  Excellence in all we do will result in great rewards for eternity.  It's just as simple as that.  Never be satisfied with "good enough."  

 "His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence, by which he has granted to us his precious and very great promises, so that through them you may become partakers of the divine nature, having escaped from the corruption that is in the world because of sinful desire."

(2 Peter 1:3-4)

Planting and Harvesting a Dream

In a world full of harsh realities, it is hard to hold fast to a dream.  Those around us are quick to point out how unrealistic and utterly ridiculous our dreams are.  We are often told that dreaming is useless, a total waste of time, and that we need to be fully concerned with the here and now and all the grim reality of that.  Dreaming is for small children and fools, some say... but to that I say:  "Hogwash!"  Everyone needs a dream, and everyone needs to believe that dream can come true.  It is not dreaming that makes us a fool, it is refusing to dream in the face of a harsh, cold, and unsympathetic world that determines foolishness.  However, a word of caution needs to be given here:  Be wise in choosing your dreams.

My old friend Noah Webster defines dreaming as "... [contemplating] the possibility of doing something;  to have ideas or images in the mind."  The mind is the place where our dreams take shape, but the place where they are born is the heart.  That which resides in the heart will give rise to our dreams, so it is immensely important that we take care to guard our heart and nurture only those things which bring glory to God and edify (build up) those around us.  When our heart is pure before God, He will plant the seed of a dream therein... a dream far beyond anything we can hope for or imagine for ourselves.  And once God plants that seed, He will be faithful to bring in the crop in due time.  Ephesians 3:20-21 says, "Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever!  Amen."

For those of you who are not familiar with farming or growing things from seed, let me point out a few rules that must be followed if you are to bring in a healthy crop:
1.  Prior to putting the seed into the ground, that ground must be tilled.  It must be cleared of everything that might interrupt the growth of the seed that is to be planted.  Rocks, briars, and weeds must be uprooted as the soil is turned over.  In some cases, the soil needs to be strengthened or improved by the addition of minerals it may lack.  Fertilizer needs to be incorporated into the soil to prepare it so that it might best support the growth of the seed waiting to be planted there.  Tilling the ground takes time and patience and a careful eye to watch for those things that must be removed if a healthy crop is to be the result.
2.  Once the seed is planted, it is often necessary to thin the plants that begin to grow early on.  Some small shoots will need to be plucked up and transplanted to another location or even cast aside, if they do not appear healthy.  Doing this thinning will ensure that those healthy plants left in the ground will have ample room and nourishment to grow to their fullest.
3.  Even during the growing season, it may be necessary to add more fertilizer to the soil to continue nourishing the fledgling plants.  Of course, water and adequate sunlight are absolutely essential if the crop is ever to be fully realized.  And weeding... pulling up those harmful plants that might find their way into the field and choke off the growth of our intended crop... weeding must be done regularly.
We cannot afford to think that tossing a few seeds into unprepared ground and leaving them to fend on their own will ever result in a healthy, abundant harvest.  The result of such thinking will be a dead field and an empty stomach.

A dreamer is often referred to as a visionary.  Martin Luther King, Jr. was a dreamer and will probably be most remembered by his "I Have a Dream" speech.  Some 50 years after planting the seed of his dream for equality among all men, the highest position to be held in our country is now occupied by a man of African American heritage.  Whether or not we agree with the President's political stance (and this is not the forum in which to debate that), we cannot argue that the seed planted by Dr. King has taken full root and is yielding a crop of open doors and never before known opportunities to black Americans.  King held fast to his dream even to his death, and others are now enjoying the fruits of his labor.

A dream is given to an individual in their heart.  It is seldom shared by others and is often not even viewed as realistic or practical.  More often than not, the dreamer is thought to be a fool by those who may know him or her best.  Family members and friends lack the vision instilled in the heart of the dreamer, so they do not support and encourage its growth.  If we make the mistake of listening to the nay-sayers that surround us, the weeds of their pessimism and criticism will surely choke out the fledgling dream which has been planted.

Let me take just a moment here to remind you that no crop (other than mushrooms... a fungus!) grows overnight.  A seed is planted and tended carefully over a period of time until it grows to full maturity, but it does take time... and patience... and dedication... and faith that the crop it will yield will be worth all the effort.

Perhaps God has planted a dream seed in your heart.  It is probable that those around you do not offer much support to you when you speak of your dream.  They may even openly criticize or ridicule your dream as being unrealistic and a waste of time.  Friend, no dream planted in the heart of a believer is a waste.  God is completely capable of helping you carefully till the soil, remove the obstacles, thin out the particulars of that dream, nourish it with prayer and faith, and celebrate the harvest with you at the appointed time.  Don't give up on your dream!  Be willing to do whatever is necessary... study, pray, and dedicate yourself to realizing the fullness of it, believing that God will bring it to pass at just the right moment.

Amid overwhelming opposition, Martin Luther King, Jr. stated, "...even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream."  There will be difficulties, there will be challenges, there will be opposition, there will be nay-sayers, but we can still have a dream and know that God is faithful to give us "the desires of [our] heart" when we commit our lives to Him fully.

Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.  Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.  Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this:  He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.  Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him."

(Psalm 37:3-7a)

Don't Mess With Mr. In-Between!

Human beings do not need to be taught how to complain.  They are born with the ability to loudly, repeatedly, and fervently issue forth cries of complaint over the things they don't like, the things they view as unjust or unfair to them.  The youngest baby is quick to cry, even shriek, when  her tummy feels empty and no one is taking action to remedy the situation.  A toddler will not hesitate to scream when he  wants the toy someone else is holding.  The teenager will sulk and grumble loudly when not allowed to have immediate access to the family car.  An immature Christian is one who continuously engages in complaining over his station in life and comparing himself with others who have more... more money, more friends, more influence, more peace-- the list is endless.

What we do need to learn is how to be thankful.  We need to practice an attitude of gratitude for those blessings which we do possess.  We need to be taught to focus on the things that really matter, not just in the here and now, but for all eternity.  Thankfulness and gratitude do not come naturally to the human heart, but cultivating such attitudes is really not all that difficult.  It does require practice, though.

The story is told of Mother Teresa, who was awarded the Nobel Peace Laureate in 1979 for her work founding the Missionaries of Charity in response to the desperate needs of the poorest people in India.  At the awards ceremony, she received a trophy and a check amounting to approximately $190,000.00.  Immediately following the gathering of people and the sumptuous meal served to all, this devoted nun got up from her table and rushed out to cash the check so that she could return to Calcutta with money to build homes for these pitiful, destitute, needy people... many of whom were leprous.  As she exited the building, a waiter came running after her with the trophy she had put under the table at her feet and had left behind.  The award, the acclaim, the trophy with her name engraved on it... this meant very little to her because her mind was focused on the blessing that the money would be for others.  When initially told of her selection to be a recipient of the award, Mother Teresa thought quietly for a moment, then said, "Thank God for his gift for the poor. God's blessings will be with the people who have given the prize. I hope it will be a real means of bringing peace and happiness in the world of today."  Her first response was thankfulness.  Her second response was service to others.

Every day we are surrounded by those who possess more than we do, and we are also surrounded by those who have less.  Comparing our situation to that of another does nothing to enhance thankfulness.  If we focus on the person who has been given more, we feel slighted and are inclined to envy and dissatisfaction with our lot in life.  If we gaze upon those who have less, more often than not we begin to feel superior to them and can easily become like the Pharisee who prayed loudly, "God, I thank you that I am not like other people—robbers, evildoers, adulterers—or even like this tax collector." (see Luke 18:11)  Far wiser is the man who begins every day thanking the Lord for the blessings God has given to him and thinking of ways he can use those blessings to bless others in return.

People do not need to be taught how to complain.  On the contrary, people need careful instruction on how to become truly thankful for everything in life.  Even the redeemed child of God must learn how to continuously express gratitude to the Giver of all things.  It is not a habit that comes naturally to us.  It is, however, a habit which we can easily cultivate with only a small amount of effort.  We can begin each morning with a simple statement of thankfulness to God that we have been given yet another day in which we can serve Him.  A dear saint at our church once told me, "I figure that every day I wake up on this side of the ground is a good day!"  Starting the morning with a prayer of gratitude sets the tone for the rest of our day.  Praise and thanksgiving can become an integral part of our life, and they are truly pleasing to God.

Many years ago I read of the first "test" given to someone wanting to enter the Peace Corps as a volunteer.  A glass half-filled with water was to be set in front of them and the question posed, "What do you see?"  If the candidate answered, "I see a half-empty glass of water," they were politely excused from service in the Corps.  If, on the other hand, their reply was, "I see a half-full glass of water,"  they were quickly accepted into the training program of the organization. 

My grandmother taught me a little song many years ago:  "You've got to accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative, and latch on to the affirmative.  Don't mess with Mr. In-Between!"  So today, determine for yourself that you will not complain about what you lack, but that you will praise the Lord for every blessing, every mercy He has given to you. Begin to cultivate the habit of thanksgiving and learn to focus on the  positive things in your life.  Fixing your gaze upon those things will change every day you live, and doing so will transform how you respond to the needs of others. 

"Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things."

(Philippians 4:8)

Learning to Say No.

I did something very new and different for me this week.  It was not only a new experience, but also quite an uncomfortable experience, to be perfectly honest.  Nonetheless, it was something that needed to be done and no one but me could do it.  I was uniquely and solely equipped to carry it off.  Sounds important, doesn't it?  Well, friends, it was exceedingly important, if to no one else but me.  Here it is:  I said "No" to someone.  Wow, can you imagine that?  Miss Patricia actually said "No."  Trust me, it was a difficult thing for me to do and came as quite a shock to the person receiving it.  In all truth, I confess that I often agree to do things for people because I am afraid that if I say "no" that other individual might be really unhappy with me or even get flat out mad at my response.  As a result, I have all too often found myself overwhelmed with obligations and responsibilities that I never intended to accept and that have become burdensome to me.

For the past two weeks I have struggled with what I am assuming is some sort of virus.  I've had a constant throbbing headache, aching joints, some occasional waves of nausea, and an enormous amount of all-out fatigue.  It has been miserable, and this malaise has caused me to miss some services at church.  When I was finally able to drag myself into the office (I am currently serving in a staff position at my church), it wasn't long before someone approached me with a job they thought I should do. Let me clarify here that it had nothing to do with my staff position and its responsibilities.  This was a "job" associated with our annual Trunk or Treat celebrations (the church's alternative to Trick or Treat).  The person approaching me simply assumed that I would readily accept the responsibility, so she was more or less informing me, rather than asking me.  In a sudden moment of clarity (coupled with the ever-present throbbing in my head and general sick feeling I'd been struggling with for days), I looked up and calmly replied:  "No."  A deafening silence fell over the room and for a moment, I'm quite sure that other person thought I was joking.  She paused briefly, then began to lay out the details that my job would entail.  Emboldened by my previous response, I once again calmly stated:  "No."  Twice in a row I had declined to accept this added responsibility, and that was certainly uncharacteristic of me.  Perhaps that is what stopped the dear lady in her tracks, resulting in a rather quizzical look on her face.  Although it was hard for me to do, I went on to quietly explain that I had not been well and that the load of obligations I was currently carrying were all that I could handle... and then some.  Following that explanation, I once again summed things up with:  "I wish I could help you out, but this time I must say 'no' to your request.  You will need to find someone else to do that job."  Somewhat dejected, the dear lady assured me she understood and would indeed seek someone else for the work. 

That simple story might seem strangely unimportant to you.  After all, we all need to say "no" now and then, right?  But trust me, to a people pleaser like me, that act was a monumental moment in history.  Despite frequent warnings from my husband, I am often apt to over-commit myself and try to be Wonder Woman to those around me.  Why?  Very simply, because I fear that I might not keep everyone else happy if I fail to do the things they want me to do.  As a result, I can find myself over-burdened, exhausted, and unable to fit time into my day for personal prayer, Bible study, and devotions.  I draw against my spiritual savings account repeatedly without ever finding time to make some deposits... and that only leads to an empty account in the end.

The following poem might best express where I often find myself:

The Difference

I got up early one morning

And rushed right into the day;

I had so much to accomplish

That I didn't have time to pray.

.

Problems just tumbled about me,

And heavier came each task.

'Why doesn't God help me?' 'I wondered.'

He answered, 'You didn't ask.'

.

I wanted to see joy and beauty,

But the day toiled on, grey and bleak;

I wondered why God didn't show me,

He said, 'You didn't seek.'

.

I tried to come into God's presence;

I used all my keys at the lock.

God gently and lovingly chided,

'My child, you didn't knock.'

.

I woke up early this morning,

And paused before entering the day;

I had so much to accomplish,

That I had to take time to pray.

Anonymous

There are those times in life when we need to say "no" to the requests and obligations that others have for us.  No one can be all things to all people all of the time, regardless of how hard we try.  Amazingly, when we do muster up the courage to decline another responsibility, the other person will move along to someone else until he or she is able to find another who can fulfill the job.  More than likely, they won't give our response a second thought... or even if they do, it will be a momentary thought, at best.  We all know that stress takes a toll on the human body, but did you know that it also lowers our immunity and makes us susceptible to illness?  God has built safeguards into our human bodies to serve as warnings to us when we try to carry too great a load of responsibility.  When we fail to respond accordingly, our health is sure to suffer at some level.

Truly, I feel relieved that I do not need to be concerned over how to accomplish yet another job in my life right now.  My plate is full... if not heaped.  That simple word "No" was immensely freeing to me and has saved me any further worry.  I love to do things to help others, but I cannot sacrifice my health or abandon my primary responsibilities to my husband, my home, my children and grandchildren, and my staff job at the church in order to keep everyone else happy.  Moreover, I must not ever allow outside commitments to interfere with my time spent in Bible study and prayer.  To do so will only lead to disaster... and maybe even a constant, throbbing headache.

Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: Love your neighbour as yourself. (Matthew 22:37-38)

Is That Door Locked?

There is no mistaking that we are an impatient people... and I fall into that category as much as the next person.  In a world of instant oatmeal (waiting 5 minutes for it to cook is just far too stressful), instant messaging (because we simply cannot be bothered to pick up the phone or sit down to write a letter), even instant winners on the lottery ticket (but, please, don't get me started on my feelings about playing the lottery), waiting patiently for things to happen just is not acceptable to us.  And yet, in the midst of our impatience, God reigns ever so patiently over us, guiding and directing every step we take... if, of course, we allow Him to do that.

I have often asked the Lord to "open a door" for me so that I might know what to do in a given situation.  This morning it occurred to me that perhaps it is meant for me to at least try to open that door myself.  The mere fact that some door appears closed before us does not make it impenetrable.  In some cases, just approaching a door will cause it to open.  Years ago, that concept appeared only in the futuristic tales of Star Trek, as Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock would pass effortlessly through the automatic doors of their starship.  Now, we all expect the doors of the grocery store to instantly yield to us, welcoming us through with no effort on our part.  In other cases, we may need to grasp the doorknob and give it a turn before we are allowed entry.  In still other situations, our entrance through a door may require that we try using the keys we have available to us.  One of them might indeed unlock that door and make our entry possible.

On occasion, I have seen an opportunity ( a door, if you would view it that way) before my path, but it didn't appear easily accessible to me.  As I approached it, the door didn't simply yield to my presence and automatically grant me entrance to what lay beyond.  Too often I have been content to assume that my entrance into that possibility was blocked, and I have walked away accepting that blockage without question.  How many times, I wonder, if I had simply stepped forward and tried to turn the knob would that door have opened for me?  I have been given the keys to the kingdom through faith, but if I fail to use them as I seek God's will and direction for my life, many doors will remain closed and locked, and the promises that lie beyond them will never be realized in this life.  I have a certain responsibility to at least try to open a door before I proclaim it as inaccessible and "closed" to me.

God is sovereign (supreme, absolute, and unlimited in power), completely capable of correcting our path if we choose the wrong one.  He is able to secure a door tightly to prevent our entering through it into something wherein He has not called us.  Those keys I referred to?  They are the keys of faith:  the faith that God will always reveal His plan for my life at the perfect moment and in the perfect way.  As long as I am walking in obedience to Scripture and am sincerely seeking the Lord's will, I do not need to see any closed door as an impossibility.  Sometimes, it just takes a little bit of effort on my part to open it.

Benjamin Franklin is quoted as having said:   "God helps those who help themselves."  (As a note here, this saying is NOT found in Scripture.)  While the Bible is clear in warning us of our prideful attempts to take care of everything in our lives... "He who trust in himself is a fool..." (Proverbs 28:26), there is some merit in understanding that God also expects us to be an active participant in what He wills for our lives.  On the website gotquestions.org there appears an excellent explanation of this:

   "Apart from salvation, there is perhaps a way that the concept "God helps those who help themselves" is correct. As an example, if you asked me to help you move a piece of furniture, but then just watched me as I moved the furniture for you, I was not actually helping you. I would be doing the work for you. Many Christians fall into the trap of inactivity. Many Christians ask God for help, but then expect God to do everything Himself. They excuse this by pointing to the fact that God will provide according to His will and in His timing. However, this is not a reason for inactivity. As a specific example, if you are in need of a job, ask the Lord to help you find a job - but then be active in actually looking for a job. While it is in His power to do so, it is highly unlikely that God will cause employers to come looking for you!"

When I recently needed tuition money to continue my seminary studies, I asked God to give me insight into ways that I might open the door to His blessings in that area for my life.  As a result, I participated in a church sponsored yard sale and was able to generate the funds I needed almost to the dollar.  I was willing to do what I was able to do, and then I rested in God's ability to do for me what I could not do for myself.  He made the yard sale opportunity known to me, He brought the customers, He had even provided those items which I could sell. 

I have come to believe that not every closed door I approach is forever closed to me.  Sometimes, I just need to be willing to attempt some access.  If I am walking in faith and obedience, God will help me open those doors through which He would have me pass.  Those that remain closed and locked are there for my protection.  In John 15:7 Jesus said, "If you remain in Me and My words remain in you, ask  whatever you wish, and it will be given you.  This is to my Father's glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples." (NIV)  The point to be made here is this:  I must be in the Word daily if I am to know the fulfillment of God's promises for my life.  Apart from Christ, I "...can do nothing" (John 15:5b).

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace.  In this world you will have trouble.  But take heart!  I have overcome the world."

(John 16:33)

The Autumn of My Life

Today is a chilly, cloudy, rainy sort of a day outdoors.  It is not the kind of day that lends itself to high spirits or fun activities for most people.  In fact, it seems that days like today have a tendency to make us all want to crawl back into bed and pull the covers up tightly around our necks.  I must admit that I am not very motivated to accomplish great things on such a day as this.  Nevertheless, time continues its relentless march across my life, and I can little afford to waste a day... even a rainy, dreary day.  Convinced of that, I determined to make a list of productive activities I can achieve indoors and am beginning to cross things off the list as the morning progresses.  I've written three letters to family members in Mississippi and Michigan, have begun filling in my daily planner for the week (although there is still work to be done on that), and am now composing this post for my blog.  Later, I'll need to prepare a supper, straighten things around the house, and head for mid-week services and choir practice at the church.  Time marches on, and so must I.

Chilly days will be presenting themselves regularly now.  We are approaching the autumn season and the realization that winter looms on the horizon.  Thankfully, winters in South Carolina are relatively mild, and my aged bones appreciate that more with every passing year.  Nonetheless, winter is a reality even in this region of the States.  I find solace in knowing that it is a milder season than what we used to experience up in southwest Michigan, though, and it certainly is shorter lived than the 5 or 6 months of blistering cold and snow that finds its way off Lake Michigan each winter.  It was not unusual to awaken to a fresh blanket of 4 to 6 inches of powdery snow on a regular basis there.  Certainly, it was not perceived with such gaiety and excitement as I've seen here in South Carolina.  I guess it truly is all a matter of perspective.

Some years ago I discovered a wonderful book written by Charles Swindoll entitled "Growing Strong in the Seasons of Life."  It is a devotional book, of sorts, though it does not follow a strict daily or weekly schedule.  I've read the book several times now, and each time find some new nugget of truth and encouragement in the pages.  One thing is certain, we all go through seasons in our lives... and change is something we cannot avoid.

I guess if I were to be truthful, I'd have to say that as a 62-year-old woman I am probably entering into the autumn of my life.  Certainly, there is far more life behind me than there is before me at this point.  However, I must also say that I am looking forward to this season and what is to follow with greater anticipation than ever before in my life.  It comes as a total surprise to me that God can still use a woman of my age to accomplish things for His glory.  Most of you know that I am a full-time seminary student.  In addition, I enrolled and was accepted into a counseling program at the Redeemer Biblical Counseling Training Institute this semester.  I also teach Sunday school classes, hold a staff position as Director of Music at my church, teach adult discipleship training there, and have recently taken on the responsibilities of tutoring home schooled students in a study skills course once a week.  Add to these things my duties as a wife, mother, and grandmother and you can well imagine that my daily planner stays pretty much full.  At a season in time when most people are contemplating the leisurely lifestyle they dream of in retirement years, I am finding myself busier and more fulfilled than I have ever been.

As far as I can tell by my personal research, there is no reference to "retirement" in the Holy Scriptures.  Abraham never retired.  Moses certainly did not retire.  The Apostle Paul remained actively involved in ministry without any consideration of retirement.  These men serve as examples of Godly service to me, and I am encouraged to know that the Lord chose to use them to accomplish great things for His kingdom even though they were not young men.  In fact, it would seem that their advanced ages brought advanced wisdom, knowledge, and invaluable experience.  I trust that God can use me, also, in this time of my life.

It may be necessary for me to slow the pace somewhat, and I may need to rest a bit more often, but in doing so I am also able to take more time carefully appreciating the world around me, enjoying quality moments spent in the company of people I value, and basking in quiet communion with my Lord and Savior.  The glorious "colors" of the autumn of my life bring great joy to my heart.  I look forward with anticipation and eagerness to the months and years to come.  Retirement is simply not a working word in my vocabulary.  I encourage each of you reading this post to live your life to the fullest, serving and worshiping Almighty God in everything you do and in every day He gives to you.  As a fictitious George Bailey would say:  "It's a wonderful life!"  In whatever season you find yourself, live and enjoy every day to the glory of God.

 "This is the day that the Lord has made; we will rejoice and be glad in it."

(Psalm 118:24)

Toxic Relationships

At some point in life, we will all face a toxic relationship.  For some of us, it is because we will have been thrust into a situation that was not of our choosing, but more often it will be the result of choices we have made and compromises into which we have entered.  The results will be the same, whatever got us there:
Toxic relationships are poisonous to us; they have no known value and are of no benefit whatsoever.

How can we clearly define a toxic relationship?  I don't think we need to list numerous characteristics of such a relationship here.  For the vast majority of people, the recognition of a toxic affiliation with someone else comes quite easily.  When we begin to realize that our association with another person(s) is one-sided, that it leads to a loss of inner peace, or that it often results in actions that we know to be harmful to us and to others, it's clear that the time has come to end that relationship.  Clear, yes... but easy?  Not always.

For most of my life I believed that my "duty" was to accept everything and everyone that came into my life without question or complaint.  I had not been taught the value of discernment and wisdom in choosing those people with whom I would associate on a regular basis.  Consequently, I did not understand that there are truly toxic people in this world and that constant exposure to them would be of no benefit to me.  In fact, those relationships would lead me down destructive paths time and again.

For the Christian, there seems to be a mindset that we should engage in every relationship with unbridled love and with all our energy.  We must be sure that the other person's needs are met, they feel fulfilled by our actions, and that we keep him or her happy all the time.  There is nothing scriptural about such ideas.  Proverbs 13:20 warns us: "He who walks [as a companion] with wise men is wise, but he who associates with fools is a fool himself and shall smart (suffer a stinging wound) for it."   In scripture, the word fool is often used to describe a wicked or depraved person who regularly acts in ways contrary to sound wisdom.  It is a term of reproach and warning.

Sometimes toxic relationships occur between friends, and other times they may even happen with family members.  The one thing they always have in common is a continuing contention-- strife, quarreling, controversy, a loss of inner peace, and anger.  Whenever we are around a toxic person, we become ill at ease and distressed.  We lose our sense of peace.  We may even experience physical symptoms such as an upset stomach, headaches, or general malaise  (sickness).  It is obvious to our spirit that the relationship is not beneficial, yet we often continue in it.  Why?  Maybe because we think we have the power to "rise above" the influence of that toxic person, but listen to the words of the Apostle Paul: "Do not be so deceived and misled!  Evil companionships (associations) corrupt and deprave good manners and morals and character."  (I Corinthians 15:33) We like to think that we can affect the behaviors of such people, but in truth it is more likely they will infect us with their bitterness, hate, greed, anger, gluttony, or any multitude of ungodly choices they make.  Our instructions, as given by Solomon in Proverbs 14:7, are simple and clear:  "Go from the presence of a foolish and self-confident man, for you will not find knowledge on his lips."  (I would encourage you to continue reading through this Proverb fully for tremendous insight and wisdom from Solomon regarding relationships.)  Again, in Proverbs 22:24-25, Solomon states:  "Make no friendships (relationships) with a man given to anger, and with a wrathful man do not associate, lest you learn his ways and get yourself into a snare."

The message here is pretty simple:  If you are in a toxic relationship with someone, GET OUT!  Do whatever it takes to remove yourself from that association.  It might require changing your place of work or even a "lock, stock, and barrel" move to separate yourself from those who constantly cause strife and inject anger, bitterness, lies, gossip, or deception into your life.  It will probably not be an easy decision to make, but if the Lord directs you to take that kind of action, rest assured He will allow you to realign yourself with dedicated Christian friends who will offer encouragement and be Godly influences for your life.  Then be sure you don't make the mistake Lot's wife did... don't look back!  C.S. Lewis wrote:  "The next best thing to being wise oneself is to live in a circle of those who are."

Fear of the Lord is the foundation of true knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and discipline. (Proverbs 1:7)

Helping Is Good... Enabling Is Not

I'm not sure when or how it happened, but somewhere in my early life I received the message that it was my responsibility to take care of everyone with whom I crossed paths -- family members, friends, even casual acquaintances and total strangers.  I spent numerous years trying to do just that.  Guess what the Lord recently revealed to me?   Do not do for others those things they ought to be doing for themselves.

What a revelation!  I am not responsible for meeting the needs and desires of every person with whom I come in contact.  Nor am I responsible for rescuing people from the consequences of the choices they make.  Helping is good... enabling is not.  Enabling another person prevents them from realizing the problem(s) they need to face.  It turns the recipient into a lazy excuse maker and gives a false sense of control over another's life to the enabler.  Many professionals believe that enabling is, indeed, akin to abuse.  According to leading psychologists (both secular and Christian), enabling perpetuates (makes something continue indefinitely) a problem rather than solving it.  It prevents the recipient from ever reaching their full potential. 

Some time ago I directed a Christmas program for my church.  In the process, I determined the dress for the choir participants would be a white blouse/shirt, black slacks/skirt, and a red tie (for the men, of course).  After having given that information to the choir members, I promptly went about seeking those items from local thrift stores and re-sale shops with the thought in mind that I would be able to furnish anything a member might need should they fail to do so for themselves.  I really don't know why I thought that way.  My choir members have always been responsible people who are fully capable of taking care of themselves.  However, I amassed a total of eight white blouses, two white shirts, four pair of slacks, a black skirt, and even one brand new red tie.  Some 12 months later, all of those items hang unused in the closet of my guest room.  Not only did I spend money unwisely on them, but they have become a constant annoyance to me as I seek to find storage space for other important items.  Yesterday I pulled them out and committed them to a bin of yard sale items I was taking over to a friend's house.  What a waste of time and money.  My choir did not need to be enabled by me... they were faithful to take care of their own needs.

My husband and I have opened our home to others on a number of occasions when someone needed a temporary place to stay.  There have been a wide assortment of reasons for the need, but we have always felt blessed to be able to meet that for someone else.  We don't expect anything in return and we don't charge people for the "privilege" of living here.  For the vast majority of those times, we have received great blessings when we've opened our door to another person.  On rare occasion that has not been the case.  There will always be those people who seem to need constant assistance and never reach a place where they are able to stand on their own.  It has been our uncomfortable responsibility to ask such people to find another place to stay... and it is never well-accepted by them.  Thankfully, my husband is strong enough to identify the person who is using our hospitality for their personal gain without accepting responsibility for their own needs and he is not afraid to confront that situation with firmness and love.

Having been hurt by people whom I sought to help, I've come to realize the following things:
- Some people are very comfortable right where they are in life.  Whether or not I feel comfortable with their situation is of no real consequence.  They have no intention of changing and will ultimately resist any encouragement to do so.
- Some people hate where they are in life, but fear of someplace different holds them prisoner.  No matter how hard I may try to change that, those people will always revert to their former, comfortable station in life eventually.
- Some people hate where they are in life, and given a little help they will break free and fly.

Pain and suffering are motivators for change.  Unless standing still begins to create pain for someone, he or she will never take a step forward.  Pushing a chair up behind them so they won't have to suffer the pain of standing is not doing that person any favor.  It may change the appearance of their stance, but it certainly doesn't change their location or afford them any progress.  Quite the opposite, it gives them the opportunity to become lazy, and Scripture is packed full of warnings against that.

The person who becomes an enabler is defined as "co-dependent" in the world of psychology.  That term simply means that the enabler's self-esteem is often dependent on his or her ability and willingness to "help" in appropriate ways.  When it comes to self-esteem, I believe if we just get our "God-esteem" firmly in mind... that is, if we clearly understand the value God places upon us... our self-esteem will surely fall in line.  Helping someone in need is an entirely different matter.  It encompasses lending a hand to someone who is in a bad situation and who desires to find a way out.  It is a temporary act of kindness and mercy shown to another person.  Helping is a good thing.

All of this leads to one final thought:  Being a "consummate rescuer" may look good on Superman's resume', but it is an indicator of failure on yours or mine.  It only proves we have not allowed others to try and fail and learn valuable lessons from those experiences.  Rescuing says we know better what is right for someone than God does.  It is the beginning of enabling, and it is a bad habit to cultivate.

"Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.  See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting."  (Psalm 139:23-23)

Don't Do That!

When I first became a Christian, I attended a mid-size church in the town where I lived.  I had begun going to that church about the same time a new pastor had been hired, so we began to learn of each other together.  Since no one really knew either one of us, it was one of those unique experiences of entering into a relationship free of preconceived notions about the other person.  In short order, I developed a great respect for my pastor.  He was a mountain of a man... both spiritually and physically.  I'm not really sure exactly how tall he was, but in my eyes he topped out somewhere around 12-feet or so.  He was also exceedingly intelligent and possessed a solid educational background which I found enthralling.  I love to learn, so listening to his weekly sermons afforded me abundant opportunities to come away with at least three or four newly acquired bits of information.

Probably one of my most vivid memories of this man occurred on a Sunday morning in the worship service.  He had been presented with a black preaching robe by a sister congregation in town that obviously felt some need for him to appear more respectable or worthy of greater admiration, though I'll never quite understand why.  I suspect in an attempt to show his appreciation of the gift, Pastor decided to don the robe that Sunday for his weekly sermon presentation.  As I think about it, I suppose it could have just been that he spilled a cup of coffee into his lap ten minutes prior to services and had no other real choice but to cover up the faux pas in order to maintain his dignity before the congregation.  (I know... my mind sometimes goes strange places.)  For whatever reason, there he sat on the stage in the big chair behind the podium as announcements were given and a soloist approached the microphone.  Now, in this church we had a family who quite apparently did not believe in disciplining their children in any way.  They had two totally out-of-control youngsters, one of which was old enough to walk and run on his own... and he did so nearly every Sunday morning.  He would charge up the center aisle, dart over to the piano to hit a key or two, stand two feet in front of the podium and make faces at the pastor-- he basically did whatever he wanted to do with absolutely no fear of being corrected or even corralled by his parents.  So that morning as the soloist took her place and the music began, it came as no surprise to anyone to see this little hoodlum charge up the center aisle toward the stage.  What happened next took everyone by surprise, however, and no one more so than the outrageously ill-behaved child himself.  Quite suddenly, the pastor rose to his feet and came bolting off the stage area, black robe billowing out behind him, to sweep that little hooligan up off his feet and carry him down the center aisle straight out of the sanctuary without speaking a word.  The scene looked ever so much like a kind of great, ominous thundercloud that had appeared from nowhere... a tornadic force that had gathered that little boy up in its vortex and sucked him into oblivion in a moment's time.  Within seconds, the child's parents exited the sanctuary obviously distressed.  What happened out in the foyer of the church I'll never fully know.  Thankfully, the soloist's strong voice covered over much of the shouting and by the time she finished her piece, the pastor had retaken his place on the stage and proceeded with the morning services without missing a beat.  That couple never returned to our church.  I can only imagine where those children have ended up, but I try not to.

So here you see a portrait of a man of God who was not afraid to face problems head-on.  It was this same pastor who walked my husband and I through our premarital counseling and conducted our wedding service, some 32 years ago.  During those counseling sessions, we discussed many matters of importance.  One evening the pastor asked each of us to identify a bad habit we had, a negative part of our personality.  I don't remember what my husband confessed, but I rather sheepishly admitted to being a very sarcastic individual.  Upon that revelation, this big man rose to his feet, leaned across his desk, and pointed his huge finger directly into my face.  "DON'T DO THAT!"  Then he sat back down.  I was shocked and speechless (and those of you who know me well know what it takes to leave me speechless).  Thankfully, the pastor did go on to explain how terribly destructive sarcasm can be to a relationship and the tremendous insult it is to the recipient of it.  But trust me... he could have never said another word and I would have gotten his message loud and clear.  (That gigantic finger in my face is the first thing I see every time I am tempted to venture into sarcasm.  I think I may have a unique understanding of how Belshazzar must have felt when God's finger engraved His message onto the castle wall during the great feast there.)  It was a shock to me.  It drove a point home.  It engraved a message deeply into my mind and heart.  And I thank God often for that pastor's firm approach and no-nonsense warning against that sin.

You may be wrestling with a sin area in your life.  You know what it is.  Call it your conscience (if you are not saved) or know that it is the conviction of the Holy Spirit (if you are a believer).  The fact of the matter is that you need to stop engaging in that sin now.  There's no easy way to say it, no cute little poem to recite to remind yourself.  DON'T DO THAT!  DON'T DO THAT!  DON'T DO THAT!!  Confess that sin to God, ask for His forgiveness and cleansing, and then DON'T DO THAT anymore.  Don't be sucked into some great black vortex for all eternity.  Don't compromise with sin, don't try to excuse it or explain it.  We have the ability and the power through Christ Jesus to defeat every area of sin in our lives.  I am no longer a sarcastic person and I praise God for cleansing me and strengthening me in that area of my life.  I also thank my former pastor and dear friend.  When we meet once again in heaven I won't hesitate to let him know it.

"For sin will have no dominion over you, since you are not under law but under grace."

Romans 6:14