Toxic Relationships

At some point in life, we will all face a toxic relationship.  For some of us, it is because we will have been thrust into a situation that was not of our choosing, but more often it will be the result of choices we have made and compromises into which we have entered.  The results will be the same, whatever got us there:
Toxic relationships are poisonous to us; they have no known value and are of no benefit whatsoever.

How can we clearly define a toxic relationship?  I don't think we need to list numerous characteristics of such a relationship here.  For the vast majority of people, the recognition of a toxic affiliation with someone else comes quite easily.  When we begin to realize that our association with another person(s) is one-sided, that it leads to a loss of inner peace, or that it often results in actions that we know to be harmful to us and to others, it's clear that the time has come to end that relationship.  Clear, yes... but easy?  Not always.

For most of my life I believed that my "duty" was to accept everything and everyone that came into my life without question or complaint.  I had not been taught the value of discernment and wisdom in choosing those people with whom I would associate on a regular basis.  Consequently, I did not understand that there are truly toxic people in this world and that constant exposure to them would be of no benefit to me.  In fact, those relationships would lead me down destructive paths time and again.

For the Christian, there seems to be a mindset that we should engage in every relationship with unbridled love and with all our energy.  We must be sure that the other person's needs are met, they feel fulfilled by our actions, and that we keep him or her happy all the time.  There is nothing scriptural about such ideas.  Proverbs 13:20 warns us: "He who walks [as a companion] with wise men is wise, but he who associates with fools is a fool himself and shall smart (suffer a stinging wound) for it."   In scripture, the word fool is often used to describe a wicked or depraved person who regularly acts in ways contrary to sound wisdom.  It is a term of reproach and warning.

Sometimes toxic relationships occur between friends, and other times they may even happen with family members.  The one thing they always have in common is a continuing contention-- strife, quarreling, controversy, a loss of inner peace, and anger.  Whenever we are around a toxic person, we become ill at ease and distressed.  We lose our sense of peace.  We may even experience physical symptoms such as an upset stomach, headaches, or general malaise  (sickness).  It is obvious to our spirit that the relationship is not beneficial, yet we often continue in it.  Why?  Maybe because we think we have the power to "rise above" the influence of that toxic person, but listen to the words of the Apostle Paul: "Do not be so deceived and misled!  Evil companionships (associations) corrupt and deprave good manners and morals and character."  (I Corinthians 15:33) We like to think that we can affect the behaviors of such people, but in truth it is more likely they will infect us with their bitterness, hate, greed, anger, gluttony, or any multitude of ungodly choices they make.  Our instructions, as given by Solomon in Proverbs 14:7, are simple and clear:  "Go from the presence of a foolish and self-confident man, for you will not find knowledge on his lips."  (I would encourage you to continue reading through this Proverb fully for tremendous insight and wisdom from Solomon regarding relationships.)  Again, in Proverbs 22:24-25, Solomon states:  "Make no friendships (relationships) with a man given to anger, and with a wrathful man do not associate, lest you learn his ways and get yourself into a snare."

The message here is pretty simple:  If you are in a toxic relationship with someone, GET OUT!  Do whatever it takes to remove yourself from that association.  It might require changing your place of work or even a "lock, stock, and barrel" move to separate yourself from those who constantly cause strife and inject anger, bitterness, lies, gossip, or deception into your life.  It will probably not be an easy decision to make, but if the Lord directs you to take that kind of action, rest assured He will allow you to realign yourself with dedicated Christian friends who will offer encouragement and be Godly influences for your life.  Then be sure you don't make the mistake Lot's wife did... don't look back!  C.S. Lewis wrote:  "The next best thing to being wise oneself is to live in a circle of those who are."

Fear of the Lord is the foundation of true knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and discipline. (Proverbs 1:7)