Learning to Say No.

I did something very new and different for me this week.  It was not only a new experience, but also quite an uncomfortable experience, to be perfectly honest.  Nonetheless, it was something that needed to be done and no one but me could do it.  I was uniquely and solely equipped to carry it off.  Sounds important, doesn't it?  Well, friends, it was exceedingly important, if to no one else but me.  Here it is:  I said "No" to someone.  Wow, can you imagine that?  Miss Patricia actually said "No."  Trust me, it was a difficult thing for me to do and came as quite a shock to the person receiving it.  In all truth, I confess that I often agree to do things for people because I am afraid that if I say "no" that other individual might be really unhappy with me or even get flat out mad at my response.  As a result, I have all too often found myself overwhelmed with obligations and responsibilities that I never intended to accept and that have become burdensome to me.

For the past two weeks I have struggled with what I am assuming is some sort of virus.  I've had a constant throbbing headache, aching joints, some occasional waves of nausea, and an enormous amount of all-out fatigue.  It has been miserable, and this malaise has caused me to miss some services at church.  When I was finally able to drag myself into the office (I am currently serving in a staff position at my church), it wasn't long before someone approached me with a job they thought I should do. Let me clarify here that it had nothing to do with my staff position and its responsibilities.  This was a "job" associated with our annual Trunk or Treat celebrations (the church's alternative to Trick or Treat).  The person approaching me simply assumed that I would readily accept the responsibility, so she was more or less informing me, rather than asking me.  In a sudden moment of clarity (coupled with the ever-present throbbing in my head and general sick feeling I'd been struggling with for days), I looked up and calmly replied:  "No."  A deafening silence fell over the room and for a moment, I'm quite sure that other person thought I was joking.  She paused briefly, then began to lay out the details that my job would entail.  Emboldened by my previous response, I once again calmly stated:  "No."  Twice in a row I had declined to accept this added responsibility, and that was certainly uncharacteristic of me.  Perhaps that is what stopped the dear lady in her tracks, resulting in a rather quizzical look on her face.  Although it was hard for me to do, I went on to quietly explain that I had not been well and that the load of obligations I was currently carrying were all that I could handle... and then some.  Following that explanation, I once again summed things up with:  "I wish I could help you out, but this time I must say 'no' to your request.  You will need to find someone else to do that job."  Somewhat dejected, the dear lady assured me she understood and would indeed seek someone else for the work. 

That simple story might seem strangely unimportant to you.  After all, we all need to say "no" now and then, right?  But trust me, to a people pleaser like me, that act was a monumental moment in history.  Despite frequent warnings from my husband, I am often apt to over-commit myself and try to be Wonder Woman to those around me.  Why?  Very simply, because I fear that I might not keep everyone else happy if I fail to do the things they want me to do.  As a result, I can find myself over-burdened, exhausted, and unable to fit time into my day for personal prayer, Bible study, and devotions.  I draw against my spiritual savings account repeatedly without ever finding time to make some deposits... and that only leads to an empty account in the end.

The following poem might best express where I often find myself:

The Difference

I got up early one morning

And rushed right into the day;

I had so much to accomplish

That I didn't have time to pray.

.

Problems just tumbled about me,

And heavier came each task.

'Why doesn't God help me?' 'I wondered.'

He answered, 'You didn't ask.'

.

I wanted to see joy and beauty,

But the day toiled on, grey and bleak;

I wondered why God didn't show me,

He said, 'You didn't seek.'

.

I tried to come into God's presence;

I used all my keys at the lock.

God gently and lovingly chided,

'My child, you didn't knock.'

.

I woke up early this morning,

And paused before entering the day;

I had so much to accomplish,

That I had to take time to pray.

Anonymous

There are those times in life when we need to say "no" to the requests and obligations that others have for us.  No one can be all things to all people all of the time, regardless of how hard we try.  Amazingly, when we do muster up the courage to decline another responsibility, the other person will move along to someone else until he or she is able to find another who can fulfill the job.  More than likely, they won't give our response a second thought... or even if they do, it will be a momentary thought, at best.  We all know that stress takes a toll on the human body, but did you know that it also lowers our immunity and makes us susceptible to illness?  God has built safeguards into our human bodies to serve as warnings to us when we try to carry too great a load of responsibility.  When we fail to respond accordingly, our health is sure to suffer at some level.

Truly, I feel relieved that I do not need to be concerned over how to accomplish yet another job in my life right now.  My plate is full... if not heaped.  That simple word "No" was immensely freeing to me and has saved me any further worry.  I love to do things to help others, but I cannot sacrifice my health or abandon my primary responsibilities to my husband, my home, my children and grandchildren, and my staff job at the church in order to keep everyone else happy.  Moreover, I must not ever allow outside commitments to interfere with my time spent in Bible study and prayer.  To do so will only lead to disaster... and maybe even a constant, throbbing headache.

Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: Love your neighbour as yourself. (Matthew 22:37-38)