Seeking Awesome

Today I discovered something brand new.  All my life I have thought that "awesome" was something I wanted to achieve, somewhere I wanted to be, a word that would be associated with who I am.  For some strange reason, I decided to look up the word in my Noah Webster's 1828 Edition of the American Dictionary of the English Language.  (A side note here:  It is my personal opinion that every true scholar or aspiring scholar should possess a copy of this wonderful book.  It is the dictionary that defines "dictionary" to me.)  Upon doing so, I discovered that the definition of awe (because the actual word "awesome" is apparently a word invented sometime after 1828) is:  "Fear mingled with admiration or reverence; dread inspired by something great or terrific; to strike with fear and reverence; to influence by fear, terror or respect."  Well.  That was certainly NOT what I had thought awesome was all about.  I don't know that I have ever purposed to be feared or dreaded, nor have I wanted my influence among people to be born of terror.  (Except maybe that one time when my son cursed at me in the kitchen of our home.  Cut him some slack, though... he was 17 years old and we all do some pretty foolish things when we're 17.)  So, that inspired me to look up the word "awesome" in a slightly newer edition of the dictionary, published in 1984.  (Yes, indeed, I do own multiple editions of various dictionaries and they are cherished possessions of mine.)  The definition I found there was:  "A mixed feeling of reverence, fear, and wonder, caused by something majestic, sublime, sacred, etc. ."  Hm-m-m, a little more to my liking, I guess.  Then I determined to Google the term:   "Extremely impressive or daunting; inspiring great admiration, apprehension, or fear.  Extremely good or excellent."  Wow.  It would appear that the concept of what "awesome" means has changed dramatically from 1828 to the present; not unlike most other things in this world.  So why does that matter?

Here's the thing:  I have always thought I wanted to be "awesome."  I've dreamed of the day when people would say about me, "Isn't she an awesome woman?"  "Wasn't her work awesome?"  "Doesn't she possess awesome insight into spiritual matters?"  Now, I find that it not my desire to be thought of with dread, even if it is inspired by something great.  I do not wish to influence others by fear or terror.  I don't even want those around me to view me with with mixed feelings of reverence, fear, and wonder regardless of whether or not those feelings are caused by something majestic, sublime, or sacred that I have done.  Today, I have decided that "awesome" is no longer my goal.  So, what is it I'm seeking?

As I often do, today I looked up the synonyms for the word awesome. (What?  Don't you sit with your thesaurus close at hand on a day-to-day basis?)  "Respected, dreaded, astonishing."    Okay, not entirely bad (excepting the "dreaded" one).  Still not quite what I'm looking for, though.  Finally, I Googled "anointed," since it is most certainly a word frequently circulated in the realm of Christianity:  "He is an anointed preacher."  "Her ministry has truly been anointed by God."  Anointed must surely be a good thing.  Know what I found out?  Anointed means "smeared or rubbed with another substance."  At first glance, not something I would choose for myself.  My husband's work clothes are smeared with grease and he often comes home with oil smudges rubbed across his forehead.  Yuck!  Once that stuff is in his clothing, I play havoc trying to get it out-- most of the time with minimal success, if any.  Hey, that's it!  That's what I want to be.  I want to be smeared with the essence of the Holy Spirit, rubbed all over with the divinity of Jesus Christ.  I want to know that no one and nothing can wash away the anointing I have received in the Cross.

Now that's something worth desiring in my life.  I have no problem asking my God to anoint me with His holy presence each and every day I live.  Smear me with Your wisdom, Father.  Leave a great smudge across my forehead as you place Your thoughts into my mind.  Anoint me in such a way that the trials of this life and the temptations of Satan can never remove Your mark.  No more awesome for me.  No, sir.  From this day forward I will seek to be anointed by a Holy God who is able to do all things for His glory.

 "But the anointing that you received from him abides in you, and you have no need that anyone should teach you. But as his anointing teaches you about everything, and is true, and is no lie—just as it has taught you, abide in him."  (I John 2:27)